Back, Back

Well here it is rounding out 2017. Its been a good year overall, but the last half has been challenging. I prayed and prayed, just as I have for YEARS. I was content with my life and being single, finally, and I prayed God would keep the wrong men away from me. I prayed that the only one who could get past my MANY walls, would be the one God hand picked for me. Well, guess what….. it happened, or so I thought. He seemed perfect. Every single person that knew us, knew we would get married and were perfect for each other. The pieces just fit like a perfect little puzzle. Our families are very similar and NORMAL! NORMAL! Or at least my kind of “normal.” Can you tell that doesn’t happen very often for me? lol Well my happily ever was crushed, yet again, and here I sit empty remembering why it took me more than five years to really give all of myself to someone again. This hurt is why. I wish I could go back to just being content instead of broken. I’m so damn tired of having to be the strong one for everyone else and having no one to fall into. I am far from perfect and make mistakes every.single.day. But you know what? I am a good person, a good woman, and a fairly descent momma. I love and give with absolutely everything I have. I am doing the best I can. I am tired of not being enough; Not pretty enough, Not funny enough, Not smart enough. I don’t have all the time to sit and spend hours on my hair or makeup. I am raising three kids on my own. I am lucky to just have clean hair. If I ever get a break, chances are I just want to sit at my house and do a whole lot of nothing because I am exhausted. Every mans dream, huh?!

I know that there is something good to gain from this, and I don’t even hate him. I know you cannot help who you love and he’s a good man, just apparently not the one for me. So for now, I sit back trying to find the good in a sucky situation. Oh and btw….

I give up on love. I just want to take care of my babies and finish my education. So if you have a penis…………. GIVE ME 50 FEET! šŸ™‚

 

Yours truly,

CC

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Always talking bout what he wants and just sits on his broke ass.

It has been a long weekend, a three day weekend to be exact. I have spent this weekend analyzing my life and where I am at. If I could somehow sneak back into my 18 year old mind, I know without any hesitation this is not where I thought I would be at almost 31 years of life. Three kids, two different baby daddies, none of which are worth a damn, and several failed relationships. I am at the point in my life where I can no longer point my finger without taking a deep hard look at myself and my choices. No one got me here but me.

I just got out of a nearly two year long relationship, and I am so thankful! AndĀ even moreĀ thankful I didn’t get knocked up…. AGAIN. When I first started dating him, I willingly knew that he did not have his kid (whom her mother walked out on), made $9 an hour, lived with his mom, and didn’t even have a vehicle! YALL. What the eff was I thinking?! Mistake number 1,452,671. I remember before I met him I prayed and prayed to find a man with only oneĀ child, preferably a daughter, whose mother wasn’t in the picture so that I could raise her as my own. God gave me exactly what I thought I wanted, and I think he did that on purpose. He showed me that sometimes what we think we want isn’t necessarily what is best for us. Because of this, I am open to more, but I am also pickier with my initial selection.

Moral of the story….. I don’t want no scrub.

Time. For. Changes.

CC